THE POWER OF ASKING

Asking is one of your three powers. With questions, you open a space, consciously or unconsciously.

You can create liquid state by asking one question. Remember, no liquid state, no change. The skill of offering doorways for liquid state is one ability we develop as a coach. Box and Gremlin are committed to not letting liquid state happen. Notice how are these protection mechanisms. For example, it can be that your client listens just with the mental body. Then it turns out to be an intellectual conversation that might be interesting but it does not cause change.

The way how you ask is relevant. If you ask from your mental body you will get most probably mental answers. If you ask with a rescuer intention you will get most probably victim answers.

DANGEROUS QUESTIONS

The box doesn’t want anything to change. A dangerous question opens an unpredictable space. The own world can be reinvented. When your client’s unconscious fear gets activated she/he might not be able to even consider exploring a dangerous question. A dangerous question requires enough adult ego state to even enter the space of the question. If your client is caught in emotional fear she/he will avoid answering. You can see if your client decides to explore the question or her/his emotional fear decides to avoid it.

Dangerous questions make the box freak out. Including yours! The bix wants to be understandable, wants to know, wants to find things that make sense and reasonable.

NEXT QUESTIONS

Answers kill questions. We are trained to get an answer as soon as we have a question. And to get the “right” answer. Keep asking is a skill we can learn because on the path of evolution, there is nothing like a “right” answer. Your client might want to deliver the right answers to you instead of the authentic answers.

What is possible by asking questions the answers to which do not exist in the current space?

Being with a question, letting your self be touched by it, wrestle with it, changes your shape. When you find an answer you are another person. Then the universe will respond to your new shape and new results can be created. Then it is time to find a new question!

Other questions and distinctions about asking I use which are not from Possibility Management:

OPEN QUESTIONS

These are all questions that can not be answered with a yes or no. Questions that ignite the capacity of discovery in your client.

CLOSED QUESTIONS

All questions which can be answered with a yes or no. It shows you the level of clarity and precision your client has. It aims at the center of the target. Some boxes don’t want to give clear answers!

CIRCULAR QUESTIONS

These are fantastic questions that offer an immediate perspective change. They reveal the relating in the system, whether it is a team, a family, a couple, or the internal system. I use them often with couples or when I work parts. It is a game changer to find patterns in systems and have high-quality information about relating with others or within the client’s world.

For example: Rachel and Jim are coming requesting possibilities to increase intimacy. A first circular question could be. '“If I were in your house, without you knowing, how would I notice the lack of intimacy?”, “ Rachel, if I ask Jim where the lack of intimacy comes from, what would he say?”, “Jim, what would your son say about your relationship if I ask him, what kind of relationship do your parent have?”

With a single person, I could ask: “If you let the shy part in you have the microphone now, what would it say?”, and what would it say next?”. “How is that for that shy part in you when you judge it?”

Miracle question

The miracle questions give you more clarity about the possibility of change. How strongly is your client identified with the problem? How strong is the benefit and how willing is your client to do something else?

Imagine going back to your home and going about your life as normal and heading off to sleep at the usual time after doing the usual routine...

Unknown to you, during the night, something happens – a miracle. When you wake up the following day, something wonderful has happened. The problem that brought you to see me today is no longer there.

• What would be the very first difference you would notice in your life?/What will be the first thing you notice that would tell you that a miracle occurred?

• What else would tell you that things are different?

• What might others see that would tell them that the miracle has happened?