FIRST SESSION: DISCOVER THE INNER WORLD OF YOUR CLIENT

DISTILL THE CONTRACT

In the first session, I start by welcoming the client, maybe mentioning something like “Do you live in Takaka?” Or “Where are you calling from?”. Something that is trivial and offers the first contact. Then a short introduction about myself (I never mention what I studied or trained and I say that I am passionate about my work, why, etc.).

Short logistics about the first session. Time, money, water, toilet, etc.

I asked the person if she/he has done coaching or therapy in the past, what worked, and what didn’t.

Then I say something like: I acknowledge that this can be a difficult thing to do, to open yourself to someone who you don’t know. Take your time, and share generously, I will ask you maybe a few questions. At the end I will tell you what I notice and see if we can work together. Also, it is for you a possibility to feel if you can work with me.

I start with an open question that allows the client to choose what to share. Often they say “Where shall I start?”… Here I never say something and let them struggle for a few seconds.

What brings you here?

What are the results you are after?

What would have to happen for you to say: the coaching is finished, I am where I want to be?

What changes are you after? What for changes do you want to see in your life?

What does the internal world of your client look like?

• What are the patterns you notice? How is the memetic structure? What for patterns do you recognise in the emotional body? In the language? Explore the point of origin.

• What is life about for your client? For example “life is about getting shit done” will create different results if “life is about to be the best” or “life is about fulfilling other people’s expectations”. If your client is referring to the relationship you can also ask, “What is relationship about - for you?” These questions are big questions that your client has maybe never explored before, so be aware that resistance can be the first response. In this case, don’t give up: “What is relationship about - for you?” “I don’t know”. “Great, let’s have a look then and find out”.

• What are other people for you? Here you discover the relationship to the other humans. “People are dangerous”, “people want something from me”, “I don’t understand people” will create different results. Here you can also specify “What are women/men/children, etc. for you?”

• What does your client think of their selves? The internal opinion about ourselves is a very central piece and your client unconsciously might want to hide that.

What do you notice in their 5 bodies?

• Scan the information offered by their 5 bodies. Scanning can used by your Gremlin to distance yourself from the client, so be careful to be aware of what your Gremlin is doing. I recommend you let the information flow to you instead of searching for it.

What are the resources, and the skills? What are the blocks?

• Remember that all survival mechanisms were in the past a solution to something. They have a noble purpose. Investigate what in that mechanism has become limiting for your client.

• Every survival mechanism is built on a skill. You will need some training to start recognizing that and it is totally worth doing it. When you find a skill, you find the resources. For example, I had a very worried client. She would paint terrible scenarios for the future. With precise details. The skill here is her imagination. She is so good at that. So I offered her a technic where she could use her imagination to create different results.

Distilling the contract: What does my client want?

• This is your main point of navigation in the first session. If your client doesn’t know, that can be your first “contract”, to find it out.

• Does my client have access to the possibility of change? (what would be different if...? What does... look like? If nothing really opens, ask the miracle question.

In the end, I say something bold like: “Thank you for opening yourself to me, I honor the force in you that wants change. Is see that X is not working for you anymore and you are ready to create new results. I will tell you now what I have noticed”.. Then I share the main points. Normally I don’t choose more then three main aspects.

If I want to work with the person I say, I can imagine working with you on X. In case the client has not verbalised the contract I do it now. “In my eyes, a key to what you shared is X. What about we concentrate on X to start?”

Sometimes I offer a time frame: What about we commit to work on that for 7 sessions?

Before you decide if you want to work with me you must know that I work with experiments. Experiments are fundamental in the development of new skills and the creation of new results.

As you see, changing your life requires your time, money, and energy investment. No one can do that for you. No one can stop you from doing it. Are you willing to do that?

In case I don’t want to work with the person I say: I am not the right person for you. I have no interest in exploring possibilities for X. I would instead work on X and I see that doesn’t interest you either. So now that you know what you really want you can specifically find a coach for that.

Or… I don’t think I am the best person for you right now. It seems to me you need ongoing support which I can not offer you.

Or… I see what you want and I am not the best person for you, go to this colleague…

Your skills as a coach:

BEING IN THE FIRST POSITION which allows you to be in contact (Being to Being connection) and curious.

NOTICING

LAND CONTEXT

NAVIGATE TO CLARITY

BEING A MASTER IN REVEALING PATTERNS

ALREADY SEE POSSIBILITIES TO BREAK THE PATTERNS